#im gonna be shuffling papers pretending im working today

[tipsywench]

The regional manager will be here today and I don't have shit to do to keep me busy :(

[monaisdark]

AHHHH! I loved your virgin shiggy post, I was wondering if you could make a part two with reader giving shigaraki a tit-fuck in an empty classroom, with degradation kink, and exhibition kink! I'm sorry if this too horny - Anon ♥♥

haha.. im back i guess. Its been a couple weeks but i have some time to start writing again :)) checking my inbox, i did NOT expect this many people wanting a pt2 to my virgin shiggy post. prolly my fault for holding it off for so long :/ so i made it longer than i planned but count this a thanks for 200+ followers!! <3 anyways i really need to catch up on my inbox but expect more from me !!

➨ paring — Virgin! (not anymore) Tomura Shigaraki x Fem! Bully! Reader

➨ warnings — Sub! Shigaraki, Dom! Reader, mommy kink, slight masturbation, humiliation, degradation, begging, exhibition, tit-fucking, hand-job, cum denial

PART 1

Shigaraki messed up. It’s been a week. A week since you cornered him in a room and took his virginity.

He still remembers what you told him when you left— “Take a shower tomorrow. Also wear a different top for god’s sake. If you do... I might let you touch me.” 

Shigaraki beat himself over for agreeing to it as soon as he got home. You were his bully. One of the people making his school experience even more unbearable than it already was.

Yet he completely was undone as soon as you placed your hands on him, and you knew it. He just didn’t know what you wanted.

Dick? No, you were pretty and popular— you could probably get some from more desirable guys. To bully him? Sure, you said mean things to him during the encounter but the bullying was always around your friends.

For a whole school week, he stayed home. Making up some bullshit to the school that he had the flu. Frankly, he was scared to go. How was he supposed to face you?

Did you tell anyone? Secretly record it? Was he currently the laughing stock of the entire school for begging to continue to fuck you?

But even away from school, you had an effect on him. He’s still a horny guy. Now, jerking off wasn’t the same anymore, not when he had some taste of pussy thanks to you.

Shigaraki would always end up thinking back to you, even with porn he couldn’t get you out of his head. His hands clamping around his cock weren’t the same as your pussy, same with the bodies of other women.

He found himself indulging into mommy kink porn, something he didn’t really get off from before you. Shigaraki pretend it was you talking to him, bouncing onto his lap and letting him touch you.

But after a bit— Shigaraki found it going no where, they weren’t you.

Cursing, he would always finish early. And not in a good way. In a way where he was left unsatisfied. Putting his painfully hard cock back into his sweats and trying to sleep his horny-ness away.

Shigaraki realized he needed you, you talking to him, you around his cock. Now, he regretted not sticking to his word. But he’ll make it up for you.

You were quite mad. Shigaraki hasn’t been to school since that day. How ungrateful, you literally let him put his dick in you and now he ghosts you in real life.

You fully expected him to be at school the next day with the way he begged you to stay, clean and ready for you. So imagine your annoyance in seeing him not show up for several days.

But today was different, the newly ex-virgin actually showed up. To your surprise, he still did more than you expected him to do despite being a week late.

Shigaraki had changed his hoodie to a whole new one, it looked recently bought. As well as his hair, looking more soft than greasy like it typically was. Though he didn’t style it, it still overhanging on his face.

Still, he definitely looked a lot better, not enough for others to notice but enough for you to smirk at your work.

Both of you didn’t interact with each other besides a few glances until lunch. You guys sat on completely different ends of the cafeteria, him sitting in a small corner table while you sat in a large one.

Shigaraki looked fidgety, meekly looking up every few minutes to watch you interact with your friends. He was waiting for school to end, planning to catch you at the same empty classroom you took his virginity in.

Though you had completely other plans.

“Hey, I’ll be right back.” You got up from your table, grabbing your bag from off the floor. “To?” One of your friends asked, not looking up from their phone.

“Some nerd, he’s gonna do my homework we got last period. Apparently, his parents found out he’s been doing our homework and now he's gotta do them during lunch. Gotta make sure they do it right.” You lied through your teeth, hoping they would just back off.

They didn’t look up, instead pulling their homework worksheet out of their binder with one hand, putting it in yours, “Get him to do mine.”

You rolled your eyes, grabbing the paper, “Yeah.” You walked away, crumbling the paper to throw it in the trash. You’ll just say you lost it. Not like they’ll do anything about it.

Narrowed eyes landed on Shigaraki, his eyes currently focused on his phone. You strudded your way to him, smirking to yourself.

Shigaraki almost jumped when he felt something brush against his leg. Looking up, he was met with you sitting down next to him.

“Hey.” You said, placing your bag on the table and putting your last period’s homework on the table.

“You’re good at chemistry, right?” You questioned, shifting through your bag for something to write with.

“...Well— I... um...—“ Shigaraki stuttered, unsure of what was currently going on.

“Great.” You pulled the phone out of his clammy hands, replacing it with a pencil. “...What?” He tilted his head, was this a joke? Did you completely forget about a week ago?

“Hm...? Well, get onto it.” You uttered him on, putting your chin in your hands, eyeing him. Reluctantly, he looked back to paper, beginning to work on it.

After around 5 minutes, you brushed against him even more, getting close to his side. “What does that say?” You pushed yourself further into his side, your chest touching his arms.

Shigaraki cursed himself for already becoming red, he pants tightening around his crotch as last week flashed into his head again.

“Um... m-mole is a unit of measur— Hmph!“ He held back a loud whine when your right hand traveled to his crotch.

“What— what are you doing?” He asked under his breath, holding back small whimpers as you palmed him, “Where have you been?” You questioned sternly, upset he kept you waiting.

“I’m sorry... I got sick.” He bluffed, it was too embarrassing to admit he was scared. With how he left you hanging, he expected people to be laughing at him the moment he stepped onto school grounds.

“Sick? A whole week?” You hummed, you could already tell he was lying. Still, you were proud that he even bothered to make it up to you by fixing himself up.

“With your diet of energy drinks and chips, I’m surprised you’re not dead.” You decided to let it go, he was just nervous to show up.

Yet you think he deserves a bit of punishment.

Shigaraki felt heavy as you teased the zipper of his jeans. He immediately tensed, “Wait— now..?” He saw you narrow your eyes, “Something wrong?”

“There’s people here!” He whispered yelled, flinching as he felt you unzip his jeans ever so slowly, trailing your finger along his exposed boxers.

“So? You’re just some loser in the corner, nobody will notice if you aren’t obvious.”

Shigaraki could already feel pre-cum form at his tip, staining his boxers a bit. You giggled a bit, feeling the dampness of his boxers. “Already?” Shigaraki shook his head, “I... I haven’t came since... that day.”

You laughed a bit louder than you expected to, good thing the cafeteria was already loud. “How sweet of you. Couldn’t get it on?”

Shigaraki focused his eyes on your paper, muffled moans caught at the back of his throat as you freed his cock from his boxers.

Now slowly pumping him, Shigaraki dropped the pen of the table. He wanted to do something with his hands, to touch you.

He moved his hand to your thigh, but of course, you didn’t allow him, “You’re too eager. Get back to work.” You ordered. Shigaraki was about to question you but you stopped him with stroking his cock faster.

Both of you continued this way for a bit, him answering questions with his shaky hands while you jerked him off.

Shigaraki could’ve sworn he felt eyes on him a couple of times, yet every time he looked up, nobody was even batting an eye in his direction.

He could feel his cock twitch at the excitement of being caught. How would they explain one of the most popular girls giving an outcast a hand-job under the table?

As he got to the last question— he was already drooling on the paper, mouth clenched shut to avoid moaning and panting to be let out.

You could tell he was about to cum, the writing on the paper progressively getting sloppier as time went on. “M-mommy...” Shigaraki whispered just enough for you to hear, “Hmm, you want to cum?”

He nodded furiously, he was extremely pent up and needed release. And just as he thought, you were the only one who can give it to him.

Shigaraki whimpered when you pulled away, looking up at the clock and collecting your stuff. “Then after school, room 204. Actually listen and show up when I tell you this time.”

You walked away just in time for the bell to go off, signifying that lunch was over. Leaving Shigaraki, once again, a mess.

Here he was again, feeling nostalgic as you walked into the empty classroom. Shigaraki easily grew again while anticipating this, the tent prominent in his jeans.

“Y’know, good job for showering and changing.” You gave him praise, Shigaraki turning red from your words. “This... this means I can touch you, right?”

You nodded, “Yeah. I actually keep promises.” He ignored the jab at him, it didn’t matter how mean you were— he was going to touch you finally.

Shigaraki awkwardly shuffled towards you, raising his hands up to look at you with wide eyes. He slowly paced a hand on your boobs, trying to see if this was just some test and you’ll get mad at him.

When he didn’t get anything back, he immediately started to dough on your clothed breast, cupping them. Then, he moved to unbutton your shirt, already seeing you thought ahead and took off your bra before coming here.

He fully took off your shirt, not wasting time on latching his mouth onto one of your nipples, both hands playing with your breasts. Shigaraki was basically humping your leg, sucking your nipples like a baby.

You giggled a bit, patting his head. He looked up at you with a clouded look, pure joy in his eyes as he finally got to touch you.

Looking back down at him, another idea popped up— you already took his virginity and gave him his first hand-job, whats another one of his firsts? “Shigaraki, do you want to feel really good?” He unlatched from your nipple, “I can be inside you?”

“No.” He frowned a bit, but perked up when you trailed your fingers on his boxers. “What if I put this,” You pointed at your boobs, “In between these?”

Shigaraki was already down, eagerly sitting on a desk while you got on your knees. He freed his cock, putting it in between your slick pushed together breasts, thanks to his sucking earlier.

You wasted no time on stroking it up and down with your breasts. He moaned feeling the softness of the valley between your chest, your breasts around his cock giving him warmth as you stimulated him.

Shigaraki was definitely feeling great, you even let him bend down and grab your breasts to control the speed of the tit-job.

Though, Shigaraki wanted more. You were giving him all these things, a hand-job, a tit-fuck. He’s been inside you once and he didn’t get to do what he wanted in the first place. To cum inside his mommy.

He feels a knot grow in his lower abdomen, but he doesn’t wanna cum yet. Instead, he pulled himself away from you, much to your confusion.

“What? You literally were about to cum and I was gonna let you!” You groaned, getting up as Shigaraki faced you.

“...Mommy, can I fuck you?”

“No, you didn’t come to school for a whole week. If you really wanted to you would have showed up.”

Shigaraki turned red, sputtering as he held onto your arm, “Please! I just want you cum inside you.” He whined, tears pricking at the chance of not getting to have sex with you after all this time.

You looked at him stoned faced as he begged, even falling to his knees dramatically to add to his desperation. “Fucking virgins, man.”

Shigaraki felt himself be pushed down, your skirt and panties on the floor. You straddled onto his length, moans filling the room quickly.

“Yes! Thank you, thank you, mommy!” Shigaraki thrusted his hips into yours, feeling even more over-joyed when he was allowed to touch your chest while you were on top of him this time.

Shigaraki desperately missed this, now he remembers why his hand didn’t compare to your tight pussy after trying to jerk off. He found his own rhythm quickly, muffled ‘mommy’s due to his mouth on your breasts.

“I’m doing this because you cleaned up, if you didn’t I would’ve left you to your own sad-ass devices already.” You lied, honestly, you hated the idea what he possibly was ignoring you by not showing up to school.

Even then, you’ve grown a bit found of him. His body, his expressions, his voice, everything really. It didn’t bother you as much when you saw his still messy hair, you were just glad to see him.

Though, you’d never admit it. Instead, it showed through the way you were tightening around his cock, panting as he moaned into and out your body. Shigaraki very quickly wrapped his arms around you, both of you on the edge.

“Fuck— Shigaraki. Cum, cum for mommy, okay?” You ordered, Shigaraki more than ready to fulfill it.

“Ah, thank you! Thank you, mommy! I’m gonna cum inside you!” Both of you rided out your highs, Shigaraki filling you so much it started to drip outside your full cunt.

He fell on top of you despite you initially being on top, you wanted to scold him but honestly couldn’t bring yourself to right now.

The room quieted down, the only words being exchanged were by Shigaraki softly muttering “Thank you, mommy.” into your neck

[beann-e]

Arranged Marriages With Stoic Guys

female pronouns used for this one !

“ y/n you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to “

“ are you stupid of course I have to “ you snapped at your father who stood hovering over you a slight smirk on his face “ eh thought you’d want to hear what you wanna hear “

you scoffed trying to push his arm off your shoulders this was all stupid you didn’t want to do any of this

“ honestly i’m doing what’s best for you y/n you need this — we need this “ he sighed “ I mean don’t you want to help your family and yourself think about how well set up you’ll be “his eyes went stone on yours “ you need this “

you flinched at the way his sureness slipped into his tone there was no way you were gonna get out of this “ no you need this there is no we right now “

his face hardened as he held out his arm for you to grab “ shut up and grab my arm “

“ i’m not going out there with you “

“ yes “ his voice was threatening and quiet “ you are “

“ I said im no— “

“ look you’ve been weighing this family down for years yet, we’ve said nothing— and now you finally have the chance to help us — to show you belong in this world and you won’t ? are you serious “

His face flew up into a look of annoyance “ you have no other purpose than to help us that is why you were born to be shoved into a family rich enough to secure your own and your families needs and now you mean to tell me you don’t want to do what you were created for “

your mouth snapped shut at his claims

“ are you that disgusting that you can’t even help your family “

you felt your body go cold as he continued to press into you

“ you preach how we’re the bad people yet you do evil shit like this“

he scoffed looking down on you “ i feel nothing but pure disgust to even have to go out there and call you my daughter “

he shook his head in disappointment before putting his arm out for you to grab again “ grab it “ his voice raised “ and you better go out there and put on that glorious look of innocence his father liked “

you gulped as he directed you quickly out the doors and draped the piece of fabric that you wore on your head. Placing it over your eyes and walking you down the aisle that had been so beautifully decorated

you were suppose to be getting married today not that you wanted to but, you had to.

you were the only girl in a family full of knuckle headed boys who just weren’t smart enough for an arranged marriage.

This was your fourth time being close enough to being married off though you hated the other 2 there was one that stuck out to you and that was number three

Your third boyfriend was one your family never liked they saw him as disgusting, vile, and too dirty with his language.

To you he was caring and open and rarely ever talked too harshly to you as long as you managed to never piss him off. You were happy with him and he was the only one you could ever see yourself settling down with until he told you He would take care of you and only you.

That was the nail in the coffin when you brought him over to dinner one night and out of the blue he spoke loudly so everyone could hear him “ look — with this whole marriage thing when I do marry your shitty daughter “

his eyes coming over to look at you and sending a look of reassurance your way making sure you knew he didn’t mean it. Them falling back to look at everyone around the dinner table who moved comfortably in their seats not caring how he talked to you as long as they would get to live lavish

“ i’m not taking care of you guys “ he scooped up the leftover food on his plate “ i’m only going out of the way for her and her only — the rest of you are on your own “

he shoveled the food in his mouth speaking carefully and making sure to watch his words knowing how serious he had to be with them in order for him to be heard by your parents “ you guys are using her for money and I don’t like that i’m not taking care of shitty parents and two brothers who act like they can’t even tell me how to spell yen “

him laughing and turning to your eldest brother a small smile on his face “ hey jerk face “

“ uh huh “ your brothers body wiggled in excitement to be acknowledged “ what’s up “

“ spell yen for me real quick “

“ babe don—“

“ shutup needa prove a point for your asshole parents “

“ hmmm “ your brother thought out loud as your other one jumped in the conversation “ hey dude what’s yen anyways “

your boyfriends mouth flying open as he slammed his hand on the table “ actually scratch that — i’m gonna pay for them both to go to elementary school and be two tall ass bodyguards that talk and say dumb shit like this to scare the kids into learning “

he pushed himself out of his chair kissing you softly before leaving the room. The door slamming as your father followed him anger swirling off his body at not only your boyfriends attitude for not wanting to help them but for coming in his house and making a fool of his family

you never got any of what your third boyfriend promised because he never got the opportunity to come back and your father made sure to have you cut off all contact with him.

So lucky you

free wedding , new guy

“ smile “ you felt your face do what you were told immediately as your feet shuffled down the aisle anyone could tell this was painful or at least anyone who actually knew you and not the 100 paid citizens of japan who sat in your wedding chairs

The guy you were marrying is a hero so, you can see how easy this is for him to pay for. He had to keep this little ordeal in the papers but only so, his father could stay relevant or at least that’s how they explained it to you no one explained that this was your e—

“ y/n“ your fathers voice was sharp “ take his hand“ you blinked finally realizing you were at the end of the carefully laid out carpet “ pay attention don’t make us look stupid “

you smiled carefully at the male before you dragged your foot stepping up and using his outstretched hand across from you “ thank—thank you “

it was silent which you immediately understood you knew he felt no need to talk to you ‘ maybe he’s not that into talking in public maybe he’s a private kind of person ‘

yeah he was so private that he said nothing but his I do’s and his occasional mhmm’s when you tried to get to know him with this continuing all night you never got to. This was all set up between his father and your own. you and him had no knowledge you were getting married today from what your father told you

“ so how— how is hero work “ you questioned as you two sat in the busy hall waiting for the doors to open up to allow people outside into the courtyard for pictures “ I hear you are one — a hero I mean “

you looked up to him as he faced forward his mouth making no attempt to move “ what really no it’s that hard ? “ you looked off speaking to yourself “ wouldnt think hero work could ever be hard“

“ did i just witness you ask and answer your own question “

your body shook as you felt heat rise up in your body your temperature high hands starting to feel sweaty “ oh uh “

“ if we have to get you checked for mental health problems i’d like to do so early “ he never broke his gaze from in front of him even when the doors opened “ I do not want to wake up with a knife to my chest or walk in on you talking to your imaginary friend after work “

you face dropped you understanding you were getting no where in communication with this man. You grabbed his outstretched hand and let him weave you carefully through the many people you didn’t know finally he stopped only to grip your hand tightly “ don’t move and wait quietly please“

you nodded your head as you watched him talk to the photographer guessing they were discussing where you were gonna take your pictures

“ hello there y/n “ you heard a booming voice say turning around only to bump square into a hard chest

“ or should I say daughter in law “ his voice scared you it was something about the way he was so sure of himself something felt wrong here

“ oh um do I— I know you “

“ of course you do “ he pointed to your new husband smiling “ you married my son an hour ago “

you shook your head uncomfortable with being left alone with now not only one person you didn’t know but also two plus a room full of people you couldn’t even name “ excuse me if I seem a bit “

“— lost , ditzy, bimbo like “

“ w-what bimbo? excuse me “

“ it’s ok as long as your quirk is as good as your father tells me I am fine with your intelligence level not being up to par my son is fully equipped with the knowledge to take care of a woman and provide like a man should “

“ I-“ you thought for a moment deciding on if you should go all out on the male that stood before you retracting into yourself when you thought of your father

“ oh y/n i know — it’s the bimbo tendencies? yeah here i’ll make it easier for you is there something you wanted to say“

you flinched at the statement smiling and presenting yourself happily as he smirked down on you ‘ he knows what hes doing ‘

“ no no nothing at all “ you said feeling his large hand pat you on your back “ good girl— get over there my sons kinda dense when it comes to talking to people “

you smiled to hold all the hostility in your voice “ yes i’ve seen so much of his density in our one hour together I find myself wondering how he can provide for me without proper communication skills “

the males eyebrow raising at your ability to speak back to an elder “ hmm he suffers with interaction due to lack of affection— childhood trauma as people your age like to say “

his smile tight and not fully reaching his ears “ I do expect that you’ll show him the proper amount of affection no matter if you got dragged into this or not “

you turned on your heel leaving the annoyed male to his own thoughts your hands coming up to interlock over your new ‘husbands’ shoulders “ hi shoto “

he bristled at your touch his shoulder moving to drop your hands as he pretended to stretch his arm in a small circle side eyeing you carefully alerting you to not touch him without permission again before he turned back to the male in front of him voice low “ I do not understand why I cannot take the photos the way I want to “

“ your father sai— “

“ their my spouse ? “ he was direct with everything he said “ it’s my wedding “

you could feel the questioning in every word he said voice low almost threatening the male in front of you “are you going to believe a 90 year old geezer who just found out beating kids is wrong or are you going to believe your beloved pro hero ? “

you could hear the teasing he held at the very end that even made you want to move just as fast as the photographer in front of you and follow after him

“ how do you want to take the photos y/n “ Shotos eyes looked down on you expectedly as you shook your head in confusion ‘ how did I end up picking our poses he wanted to change the generic one that was preplanned‘

you looked into his face as his eyes morphed into a look you couldn’t quite figure out “ i’m guessing you did this for me ? “

he shook his head slightly “ oh so you thought I would want something different from the basic ph— ok um “ you smiled as you turned to the front “ can we just do a um — maybe a hug but he hugs my waist that’s always a pretty marriage picture “

you moved to look back at him as the photographer agreed shoto moving carefully to stand behind you and wrap his arms around your waist hesitantly “ you can — it’s ok “ you felt as his shaky arms snaked around and sat in the spot that you guided them to your arms moving over them as your hands tried to soothe his jumpy ones

“ hey calm down “ you laughed “ just a picture — not me waging war on you family “

he looked down on your smiling face his own going through so many emotions not able to tell which one he wanted to show “ at least not the rest of them — your father maybe “ he watched as you turned back around the camera clicking as a genuine look of interest for you passed over his face

“ do you guys want to take another one “

“ um I think we’re good he doesn’t um— he doesn’t seem like a photo- e guy and i’m not very photogenic “

the photographer shook his head in understanding letting out a sigh of relief that he held as you moved to walk off your husbands grip tightening on you “ hey I — you can let go now sh— “

“ do you remember earlier “ he questioned “ when I told you to stay put “

your body flamed as you knew you’d done something wrong immediately feeling like you should try to defend yourself

“ why did you walk off “ his eyebrows furrowed “ how — why did you disobey orders “

“ I just—- I didn’t — your father— he — he came up and he— “

“ either way you didn’t listen you moved from the spot I placed you in” his eyes were staring holes into yours daggers really “so no matter who spoke to you — you were in the wrong “

“ I — it’s my body I can move “

“ yes you can in the spot I placed you “

“ I don’t even know you I don’t have t— “

“ that’s how it works “ his voice roared looking to the ground eyebrows furrowed as he was trying so desperately to understand you “ that is how it works in a marriage you listen to me —when I tell you to do something you do it and when I tel— “

“ no it’s not what — I” your face made up in confusion “ who told you these things —- this is ? i’m not a kid I am your wife now—we’re on two equal playing fiel— “

“ no “ you gnawed at your lip as he waited for a rebuttal seeing as though you had been answering him back after everything he said standing up straighter when he seen your tightly closed mouth “ i’m done with this argument I was just curious of something and you answered it “ he unwrapped himself from your body and turned to leave tugging at his suit

you not knowing wether to follow him or leave him be choosing the first option when he turned over his shoulder and stopped his movement

voice coming out short you were so confused with your new ‘husbands’ behavior he expected almost everything from you as if you could read his mind without words “ sorry — sorry “

he shook his head in understanding as he went to get his car from the valet opening the door for you as he opened his own getting in and setting himself up properly for a nice drive

your back hitting the seat hard when he took off your mind racing thinking this may be punishment for your words and anger towards him earlier.

‘ maybe he’s gonna play fast and furious while i’m In the car to get me to shut up ‘

“ I do not intend to scare you if that is what you are thinking “

he looked into his side mirror as he got over into another lane “ but I do intend to build structure where I see there is none “

you knew you should be quiet right now is not the time to fight for your rights in this new relationship not when he was driving like he’d never heard of a car accident

“ and I am not sure about you but I do feel right now is the best time to set that in place seeing as though I don’t know you and I doubt you even want to know me “

he waited on your answer “ when I stop talking that signifies you may speak “

“ sorry yes— no I do want—want to know you “

“ that’s interesting “ he sat back in the drivers seat as he eyed the road carefully slowing down a bit when taking in your answer “ i’d like to think that we were both forced into this “

“ ye-“

“ but that is simply not true “

your eyes refused to blink “ neither of us were “ he slowed the car down even more as he pulled into an underground parking garage “ you were handpicked by myself because I was asked to find a spouse to spark some uproar in the headlines or else i’d lose my title of number three hero and I am not too keen on giving that up right now with my father being number four and only living to climb the ranks “

he turned his car off as he turned to you “ i do not want to give him that enjoyment— “ he sighed “ you are not necessarily wanted nor needed— the only thing I can ask of you is to uphold this facade out there and i will give you and your family— everything i originally signed to in the contract“

he opened his car door as he stood fixing his suit again “ in here — my house you either follow my set of rules or you will be asked to leave and id honestly hate to ask you to leave “

you heart fluttered so he was interested in you

“ because then i’d have to talk to the media and I do hate when they ask me questions they have the material to supply themselves an answer with “

you heard the slam of the car door as you got out yourself hearing the two beeps from his car when locking it following him up the stairs as your eyes blinked several times

no

no no

no

you followed him up the elevator images flashing In your mind as you looked to the buttons remembering the number all too clear as he stepped out and onto the floor opening the door to the pent house your sweaty hands fiddling with the bottom half of your dress

“ shoto”

“ todoroki inside please my love — also “ he moved to his kitchen stripping off his jacket “ baby goes for me —my love goes for you in or out I don’t care — but do not overuse it — you will only annoy me “

you smiled softly trying to rush to ask your overwhelming question that was buzzing around inyour mind “ baby do you um— by any chance do you happen to have a rooma — “

“ who the fuck left the door open “ you heard the voice your ears had missed so much your body wanting to drop to the floor after hearing it “ shitty icy hot always coming in places and just leaving shit open— it’s like you don’t even know privacy “

“ well that is true I have never been awarded such thing as privacy I was off throwing up on tile after a long hard restless day of beatings “

“tch always so quick to spill your shitty trauma — wheres the bitch you set yourself up to marry “ he scoffed as you heard him nearing the kitchen “ marry for hire I mean “

shoto nodded as if the male could see it closing his fridge making his way over to you pushing you to follow him towards the loud deep voice “ she’s here actually though she’s going to be busy in a moment — you’ll have some time to meet her afterwards I promise “

“ god — if it goes on all night I swear — still can’t believe you hired some weird bitch to marry you and the whor—holy fuck “

Your eyes rose to meet his as you saw the tall blond drop his grenades he held in his gloved hands the loud clang echoing throughout the house “ my god I do ask bakugou if we’re going to stay together due to the department , that you do watch how you mess up our house , you have free range to destroy anything you want inside your own room “

“ shut —shut the fuck up ice tray“ his eyes narrowed on yours as he pointed at you “ this is the — the bitch you went to marry today — the one you picked out “

“ yes — I — is there a problem “ shoto turned to look you up and down “ though I did suspect some mental health challenges earlier i’m sure you can’t notice them up front right “

bakugous body shivered as he took a step back from you his body prepared to run

“ bakugou i’ve never seen you this “ your grip tightened on your dress pulling it up in the back hand dipping low to grab at your cell phone knowing you would have to call for help if he decided to be the bakugou you knew and kill you your ears listening closely as shoto spoke “ this afraid it’s quite eventful “

“ you— you dumbass “ he kept his eyes on you “ get the fuck out this isn’t the place for you— go back to your run down shitty cottage or something “

shoto stood confused as bakugou ran to grab you his hand tight on your arm his body stopping eyes made up in sadness face dropping as he felt himself wanting to scream and cry all at the same time. Hand only gripping harder onto your figure

“ what is the meaning of this —- I find this disgustingly rude — bakugou “

he shook his head eyes dropping to the floor your heart breaking he won’t even look at you that’s how bad your father screwed things up for you

Him pushing you away from him and towards the door as he spoke low hurt and pain ripping through his voice “ she’s gotta go “ his body moving to walk away “ now “ he screamed “ unmarry her or some shit—I don’t wanna see that bitch when I come back out here “

“ katsu— “

“ don’t you dare say my name not like that not with tears in your fucking eyes and sounding all sad and shit the last time you said it was the best time dont make me forget that shit “

your body shook in fear as his eyes weighed heavy on you shotos voice pouring out “ god bakugou please what are you saying your just being a bit of an— excuse my language my love but an — asshole aren’t you ? “

his body stalling when he thought back to a few moments ago “ wait how — how do you know his name “

your heart broke as you looked between the two men.

Just your luck that you would have to choose between a man who would most likely give you nothing but pure gentle love and supply your family the same only for one small thing in return or one that you missed so much every night you went to sleep

then again you would have no choice but to be married to someone that you’d already signed away your life to in a binding contract that stated your family and yourself would be very well taken care of and who were you to choose love over protection ?

[heesgf]

bad boy! byounggon

a long but cute and fluffy bad boy bullet scenario :’))) pls read

this is my bullet scenario debut so im rlly gonna try and make it pop let’s get it

OK SO mr byounggon is a little bit of a bad boy, mostly because he’s not super loud, and he doesn’t necessarily make his presence known all the time... so he’s kinda just ,,, in quiet disapproval of everything

u could be laughing rlly loud with ur friends and being rlly obnoxious in the hallway but when he walks by ur kinda like.. O shit be quiet!!!212!!... bc ur not tryna have him roll his eyes at u (bc he will)

I think he’s partially so reserved bc ppl dont talk to him bc they’re scared,,, but bby just thinks ppl dont like him so he’s a lil :’((( about it

Lowkey but highkey everybody thinks he’s rlly hot!! One time a girl tried to impress him by vaping in his face and he was just like... bitch Tf... ಠ_ಠ... pls step away

He’s ALWAYS late to class bc he’s polishing the handles of his motorcycle and somehow none of the teachers are bothered

He’ll just pop in like 30 minutes into class, in the middle of a class discussion about why technology is ruining the planet; the teacher will give one look, smile at him, and then it’s all chill & dandy

Which is fucking RUDE bc one time u were late to class bc u got the RUNS at the end of P.E.,,,, and she was merciless!! She hit u with the “30,000 word essay due tonight” bitch!!!

Injustice™

So he’s late for the 3904390th time one day, and you’re super mad!! The second he walks in you feel urself fuming, and u turn to ur friend Junkyu who’s already giving u the 👀

Ur SO MAD u start going off,,, and ur like “that fucking jerk he’s always late and ms. johnson doesn’t give a single fuck... in FACT ! she loves his ass. This isn’t fair, honestly im gonna bring this to the principal”

And junkyu’s just cackling away bc ur doing The Most right now, and honestly ur kinda loud, so ppl just are looking @ u like “ .....? ...? are u ok ?? ?”

The answer is no

So ur talking ur shit storm all the way thru your teacher’s instructions, and she introduces a partner project (#cliche am i right)

Junkyu’s already grasping ur hands bc ur his ride or die

But before y’all can start giggling in harmony bc best friends forever, Ms. johnson gives u this rlly fat smirk, and she’s like “hehe... im making partners”

Thats when ur soul dies bc u happen to have the Worst Luck when it comes to partner assignments

Ur always partnered with that one dude that excuses himself to go to the bathroom, but then just vapes outside for 46 minutes,,, and u have to do the WHOLE thing urself,,, and ms johnson just bats her eyelashes and gives u one of these :-) “is there an issue?” and ur just like “:/// no im ok”

(ur not ok)

THIS TIME she’s looking around the classroom, and she starts pairing ppl up

When she pairs junkyu up with this other girl u feel like ur about to have a stroke,,, he gives u a sad lil frown and now ur in ur #feels

Suddenly ms Johnson points right @ you and she’s like “YOU!”

And right at that moment, mr byounggon gets up so he can go polish his bike handles for the 89th time this morning

And she’s like “(y/n) and byounggon, u guys are partners”

Ur like :o

He’s like :o

Ms. johnson’s like XD lolz :P!!!

Junkyu squeezes ur hand one last time, and he’s like “pls dont kick his ass plz, u don’t have the arm strength”

And ur like “PLS~~~~he might LOOK tough but he’s probably a rlly lame loser....” and then junkyu scurries away to another table group

Byounggon walks toward u

And as he’s walking ur crossing ur arms, and mumbling under ur breath, ‘god why ME, WHY’

Ur interrupted from ur sad hour bc byounggon yanks the chair across from u and finally sits his ass down,,,,

He’s looking outside the window,, probably @ his bike, honestly they’re a ship, #byounggbike

U kinda just look at him, absorb everything,, ur like “o dam... he DOES look tough”

His hair is jet black and messy but somehow perfect? He’s got this silver cross earring that dangles down from one ear, and when he lifts his hand to scratch his face, u notice the silver rings on his hands... and ur like... hmm kinda sexy...

Ur in ur own world, just staring at his VRY plump lips that are literally the perfect colour... no lip products needed damn

And the longer u stare, u realize his eyes are kinda sparkly? And his teeth are perfect? And he as a rlly cute long neck

In the middle of ur trance, byounggon’s so confused, honestly a little bit offended, bc ur just staring at him with ur eyebrows knitted, rlly intently, like ur analyzing him

He narrows his eyes and he’s like “what!”

U kinda jump in ur seat and ur like shit fUCK, he must be so weirded out by me rn (he is)

Ur mouth is agape, and u dont rlly know what to say, so u DONT SAY ANYTHING

And that makes him MORE frustrated

He’s like “WHAT are u looking at!”

And ur like

“SFOSJDFIOS... ur eyes are rlly pretty!”

For a second he thinks ur joking

But u look at him so expectantly, and ur cheeks are FLUSHED, so he thinks u might be serious; ur heart is beating 3430430 miles per hour, and u gulp,

But listen -- u HAD to say it-- bc ur mama taught u to give compliments when u think them! She’s a nice lady

Anyways back to the story

Ur definitely about to go into cardiac arrest

And ms johnson’s just sitting behind her desk like 👀🍵

Byounggon’s quiet for a moment

And for a Hot Second™ u think ur about to get ur ass BEAT (not physically, but verbally ;))

But then u notice the tops of his ears are turning a rlly deep red, and he averts his eyes downward

He mumbles a rlly rlly rlly quiet “ .. thanks”; and he says it so fast u almost miss it, but he sAID IT!

Then it’s quiet again and the level of awkward is so intense u want 2 die

Junkyu looks over to you from his table and he’s thinking ‘shit some real shady business must have gone down bc they wont even LOOK @ each other”

Little does he know.....

So u clear ur throat suddenly like “AHEM ok,,, we should probably work on this”

And he’s like “aight”

he seems so tough when he says things like that, but he was such a shy boy two seconds ago

So you guys get started

And it’s basically a project where you introduce the other person to the class with a video... so u rlly gotta get to know each other, and bond and all that cute stuff

And u already KNOOOOO if u dont do well, ur gonna face ms. johnson’s wrath, so ur really invested in doing a good job

And as an added BONUS!!! Ms. johnson says the group that does the best job on the project doesn’t need to take part in the final exam

And ur like BOOOOOYAHH!!! Bc final exams always fuck u over, and u go down like 5% just bc u momentarily lose ur mind and suffer

So ur #dedicated

In this beginning, byounggon rlly doesn’t open up that much, and ur genuinely concerned because it seems like ur going to be making a five minute video about how much he loves his bike (hint: A LOT)

But then u make a rule!! Ur like “hehe... no more bike talk.. Okay?”

And that’s when the Good Stuff comes out

You learn all this wild shit about byounggon

U go down the list of questions miss johnson gave ya’ll and you’re learning all about how  how he likes writing songs, and composing music, and for some weird reason, he rlly likes bowling

Then ur like “whats ur fav body part”

He looks @ u rlly funny, and he’s kinda chuckling, giving u the “uhh are u sure that’s a question, or are u just curious?”

Ur FLABBERGASTED

You shove the paper in his face and you point at the question like a crazy person and he puts his hands up and he’s like “DAMN ok i get it”

Ur not rlly mad tho... homeboy’s got #jokes

He forces a smile, and then he juts out his finger at his cheek

And he’s like

“I like my Dimple.. It’s pretty impressive tbh”

U kinda just wanna bug him so ur like “mmm nah i dont think it’s all that impressive... not that cute” (ITS RLLY THAT CUTE THO)

He pretends to be rlly offended, and he sticks his tongue out and kinda bites it

Like tHIS:

Mr byounggon is NOT having ur sass today !

Ur trying to keep a straight face but FUCK he looks rlly hot in this moment, and suddenly, ur thinking... “fav body part.... Every part!”

He laughs it off, and he’s like, “nah dude, u have to see it in The Moment! That’s when you’ll respect The Dimple”

U deadpan at him bc.... LMFAO did he rlly just say “respect The Dimple”

Yes queen he did

U guys continue like this for a while, until the bell rings, and after, he scratches the back of his neck, and he’s struggling to make eye contact

When he looks like this, u rlly start to wonder how ppl could think he ever looked intimidating,,, bc GOD when his cheeks are a light shade of pink, and his eyes are wandering, and his hands are shaky, he looks so frickin CUTE

He’s like... “so u want start filming @ ....atmyhouselater...?”

Ur like w o t did u just say sir

And he’s like: “do u want to start filmingatmyhouselater!!!”

The classroom is loud bc ppl are shuffling outside, and he’s talking so fast, and honestly, ur just distracted by the hair that’s shifting in and out of his eyes... sparkly eyes... ANYWAYS

Ur like... “byounggon... pls enunciate” !!!

FINALLY,,, smoothly and clearly,,, he says “wanna start filming at my place later?”

And ur shook

But SO EXCITED

Bc u’ll see the Home of Byounggon

Ur like “hehe... yeES”

And then he’s like “ok cool” and fucking BLASTS OUT THAT CLASSROOM LIKE NO TOMORROW

For a second ur kinda shook bc damn.... Does he not have whiplash???

U turn around and u have this fucking goofy smile on ur face

Junkyu slowly walks up to and he’s like “... is it just me, or do you look happy after talking to... byounggon?”

U look @ him in distaste

“It’s just u bitch!”

He can’t know... . ... . . YET.

***TIME SKIP BBY*****

During lunch, u spilled to Junkyu about all the shit that went down with byounggon, and how u were feeling kinda gushy

When u told him u were gonna go to byounggon’s after school, he lost his damn mind

He was like: “take pictures and send them to me PLZ”

U were like: “TF NO!.... hehe ok maybe”

After school, u give junkyu a fat hug bc he’s a cuddly koala bear, and he wishes you good luck!! Then u run to ur locker and try and act cool

Byounggon pops into the hallway a few seconds later, and he raises his eyebrows @ u, and gestures toward the door

U try not to RUN over to him, and restrict urself to a respectable speed walk

He kinda chuckles bc ur .... cute.

U guys both walk outside and ur anticipating his mom to kinda just appear and drive u both to his place,,

No bitch

That’s not happening

U guys walk out to the side of the school, and u see the world famous #byounggbike

He shoots you a thumbs up and he’s like “mm ok so just hop on!”

Ur like

“Ha a ha .. wh at?”

He smirks all cocky, and he’s like “what? You’ve never rode a motorcycle before or something?”

Ur like. “HA! Whaaaaaaat? Of COURSE i ride motorcycles... in fact, i ride them... . . allllways...”

And he’ s like .......... ok shutup and get on

So u pop ur cute butt onto the seat, and he gets on, and he’s like: “okay, make sure u hold on rlly tight, ok? It can be dangerous”

U kinda scoff bc damn... he’s doing The Most rn isn’t he? So ur all like “PSSHHHTT... i dont even need to im a natural--”

And suddently u dont even have time to let out a breath bc homebody just GOES

IMMEDIATELY u latch ur arms around his waist and ur shutting ur eyes rlly tightly and screaming like “WTF HOW COULD U DO THAT WITHOUT A WARNING”

When he slows down @ the red light, u can FEEL his smirk from the backseat, and he’s like “o well u said ur a pro so i just... went?”

U want to smack his stupid mouth,,, but also,,,, k*ss his stupid mouth

Honestly byounggon was right

When u see The Dimple in the moment,,,, u really fall for it

The ride from then on is mostly smooth, and now ur kinda relaxed, so u just feel the breeze flying threw ur hair

U lose ur hair tie but its ok

Bc u do that everywhere

Ur sort of just enjoying the moment, and honestly it’s kinda peaceful??? U kinda like #byounggbike... now u guys are a ship... #(y/n)bike

Byounggon notices ur vibing with his bike, and it makes him smile rlly wide

At one of the stop lights, he looks at you in his peripheral vision and ur laughing and in ur own lil world

Ur so cute

He likes it so much

He starts riding again, and then just to keep u on ur toes, the boy SWERVES on the road a little bit and ur like “FUCKING STOP DOING THAT ILL KILL U”

And he’s LAUHGIGN so hard, and the laugh is deep, and it vibrates through his whole body

U feel it when ur arms are wrapped around him

and there’s this devilish look in his eyes

It’s really fucking cute

But u wont tell him that.

U guys finally arrive at The House of Byounggon, and you rush into his place bc damn... it’s cold outside! And he’s wearing a sleeveless black top AHHHHHHHHHHHH bicep palooza

U guys get warm inside!!!! And u meet his mom!!! The cutest woman in the entire world!!! And she brings you guys carrots and celery as u work

You ask more questions, and you learn about byounggon’s friends: seunghun, yedam, mashiho, hyunsuk

He shows u pics!!! Damn they’re literally all cute

Hot Squad

U tell byounggon u like to bake, so he comes up with a brilliant idea

He’s like “oh!!!! My mom’s about to make some cherry pie, make i can film u helping her out or smthh for the video”

U guys pile into the kitchen to help his mom, but she’s got the TEA!!!!! She’s like “hehe kids, i’ll be right back i need to do... something.....(y/n) knead this dough while im gone”

She YEETS tf outta there!!! And she’s nowhere to be found for a suspiciously long amount of time... hmmmm

Byounggon films u kneading the dough, but honestly, u dont know what tf ur doing

When u said u liked baking,,, u meant like...box cake

Ur playing with the dough like it’s a slime video, and byounggon is laughing his fucking head off while u just suffer

“Ur doing a rlly good job” he says with his mouth full of cherries

Ur about to tell him tf off for eating ur ingredients when ur hair falls out ur hair tie and it’s all over ur damn face

Byounggon’s like.... O shit

And ur like..... He LP

He comes to ur rescue

“What..... do i do”

U tell him to take the hair tie off the ground, and grab ur hair into a ponytail

His hands are so tentative, honestly a lil shaky, and for a brief second, he skims the skin of ur neck with his fingers

Ur body: shook

U have shivers all over and he bounces AWAY FROM U and he’s like “i- im sorry it was an accident”

Ur like... chill tf out brother... it’s cool

He comes back, ties ur hair into the ugliest side ponytail u ever saw, and u guys continue filming

“U made me look so ugly byounggon ur shady af” ur whining to him as u guys watch the clips back

Byounggon gasps!!! He’s like !!! “u did that urself!”

Then u wanted to kill him bc... did this bitch just call u ugly

U laugh and hit his shoulder!! And he’s like “nah im playing u always look cute”

IT COULD’VE BEEN AWKWARD

But u play it cool!!! And u smile at him, and he smiles at u

Then ur like

“Hey can i tell u a secret?”

“... what?”

“Honestly, ur not as bad as ppl make u seem”

He looks @ u with the stupidest smile but he knits his brows and he’s like GEE thank u (y/n), that is so kind of u!!! Ur so kind!!!

And ur like “NOOO hear me out, okay? You’re really nice, and smart, and sweet, and cute.. Ur rlly not as tough as u look....”

He’s kinda hurt, and he puffs his chest out, and kinda pouts

“Im tough.....”

U guys both just laugh

Moments like this continue for the next two weeks as you guys work on ur projects

Somehow byounggon convinces you to go bowling???

You finally go!!! and surprisingly, you beAT HIS ASS SO GOOD???~~~~ for someone that talked such mad shit about his skills,,,, ur rlly thought he’d do well

He got like.... 64 points

U got 107

He BEGGED u not to put that in the video!!!!!!!! Like so so so so badly!!! He offered to give you a ride home on #byounggbike everyday

U told him u wouldn’t put in it

And then the day of, when it popped up in front of the whole class, u were like SIKE BITCH I PUT THAT SHIT IN ANYWAYS!

He was choked up ! but dw he was ok

The whole time the video is playing, u guys are smiling at each other

Junkyu’s looking at u both with the most incredulous look on his face and he’s like... “am i interrupting something, here?”

“Shhhhhh.... Im looking at The Dimple”

“W h  a  t”

When ms johnson announces that u and byounggon had the best project, u just about pop out of ur seat, and u run ALL the way to byounggon, and u wrap ur arms around his neck, and u swing a lil bit off ur feet

He’s smiling so hard, The Dimple is #out, and the rumbling of his chest makes ur heart flutter

In that moment of excitement, u feel really bold, and u lurch forward and just plant the sweetest little kiss on byounggon’s cheek

He kinda does the :o

For a second, ur like... fuck SHIT,, i just fucked all the shit up

But then byounggon looks down at u

And he’s 4290290% heart eyes

He crouches into your ear, and he’s like, “hey can i tell u a secret?”

Ur nodding ur head like ur in a fucking trance

“I like you, (y/n)”

“I like u too, byounggon”

You guys are both smiling, junkyu’s gagging in the corner, ms johnson is loving every minute of this

U force urself on ur tippy toes, look into this sparkly eyes, and u crash ur lips onto his

His lips are soft and sweet, like strawberries

And when u pull away, he’s just as red as one too

While everyone else spends the next couple days studying for the final exam, you and byounggon are straight chillin

U guys spend ur time at the House of Byounggon, kissing the days away, and eating the carrots his mom provides for u both<333333333333

No bowling tho yikes :/// he’s scarred for life

thank u for reading and i LOVE U pls follow me im new

thank u guys for reading if u did!!!!! im a new ygtb blog <33 i plan on writing here and there, but im super dedicated rn bc there’s such little content. also, pls reach out to me, i want some friends <3 ok bye

[bumblebet-20]

What we left behind

5sos x reader

warnings: swearing, divorce, angst (oh so much).

A/N: GUYS OMG THIS IS MY VERY FIRST SERIES AND IM SOOOO EXCITED :3

Couldn't have done this without my boo @aspiringwildfire

-FLASHBACK-

“Happy Birthday, Enid!” Everyone yells after I blow out the candles, tossing up confetti they held in their hands.

“What did you wish for, Ed?” Calum asks, face covered in frosting from the chocolate cupcake.

“You know I can’t tell you, Cal!” I giggle slightly, turning towards the slice of strawberry cake in front of me.

“I can’t believe my baby is 7 today!” My mum says, suddenly behind me and nearly squeezing the life out of me.

“Hey, Ed! Let’s go play!” Michael exclaims on the other side of the yard, holding a yellow ball in his hands. A quick giggle escapes my lips as I quickly move out of my mum’s arms, running over to where he stands, followed by Calum and Luke.

“Be careful of your dress honey!” My mum hollers as we chase the ball, her words barely reach my ears as I focus on beating the other team.

We played football until the sun set, the only time we took a break was when people left and I had to say goodbye to them. Daryl came out and brought us inside for dinner, only us four and our parents remain to finish the celebrations.

“Eat up kids, we’ll set up the tent in a bit.“Liz says, setting down a box containing a large Cheese pizza in front of us.

-After finishing the pizza and getting the tent set up, we settle in our sleeping bags, the only source of light being the lantern in the middle of our circle.“Did you have a fun birthday?” Michael asks, stopping his game of ‘Crazy Eights’ with Calum.“

I had a blast! You three made it great” “

Aw, Ed! We’ll always be here to make your birthday awesome” Luke exclaims, pulling me into a tight hug. The others soon join, causing a dog pile and loud laughs to erupt from all of us.

Once the laughter calmed down and we resumed our previous games, a thought ran through my head “Hey guys? Can we all agree to remain friends no matter what?” 

“Of course! Nothing will tear us apart” Calum says, earning agreement ‘yeahs’ “We’re gonna be best friends for life!” Luke hollers

.-10 years later (2012)-“Come on,Becks! We can’t miss this!” I exclaim, grabbing the hand of my best friend, weaving through the crowd outside the building and stopping in front of the stage, waving at the boys while they are getting their instruments ready.

“Oh! Here are our seats” She points to a round table filled with chairs right in front, our names scribbled on paper. 

“Hey girls,”Joy says, taking a seat in her designated chair, Mali following right behind her. 

“Everyone else is right behind us, “Mali says, motioning to the door where the familiar heads of the Hemmings’ bobs over everyone else.

-

Once everyone got settled in their chairs, Luke taps the microphone lightly.

“Hello, we are Five Seconds of Summer and welcome to our show!” Luke says into the microphone, earning a round of applause and a ‘whoop’ from me.

“1,2,3,4!” Ashton exclaims before the music begins, filling the nearly empty space with the beginning of ‘Unpredictable’. My foot starts to tap at the beat, unable to contain my smile when Lukes’ voice fills the room.

“She sit at home with the lights out” Rebecca sings lowly next to me.

“Seeing life in different colours” We finish together, pretending our hands are microphones.

-

“Thank you for coming! This has been Five Seconds of Summer! Good night!” Luke exclaims into the mic before walking off stage.

“Alright, let’s go see our boys,“Liz says as she stands up and heads to the doors where the boys went off from.

“Mum!”  Luke exclaims, running to her once we all enter their changing room. All the boys greet their families before I’m swiftly picked up by Ashton and spun around.

“Alright,put her down before you hurt someone, “My mum says, stopping Ashton from spinning my brains out and gently places me on solid ground.

“So, food anyone?” David receives shouts of agreement in return.The parents walked ahead to the cars while we took our time heading out.

“Oh boys! I made some gifts for you” I dig around my bag before finding the plastic baggy, taking out four bright bracelets, each one having a letter for each boy. Rebecca takes two and puts them on the right boy’s wrist.

“Are these friendship bracelets?” Michael asks, twirling around the orange one on his wrist.

“Yeah. I just thought that you boys are gonna make it big someday and I just- don’t  want you to forget about the little people” I awkwardly shuffle my feet across the concrete floor, suddenly feeling embarrassed that I even did this.

“I love it! What better way to signify our friendship than with a bracelet!” Ashton tugs me into a hug, squeezing me tightly.

“Alright you kids, let’s go!” Liz says from the end of the corridor, motioning with her hand to come.

“We better go, don’t want an angry Liz on our hands” Calum comments as we all walk towards the door.

[1 month later]

I hum quietly as I braid Becks hair, the two of us deciding to have a sleepover at my house.

“Have you been watching the videos they upload? They’re gaining a lot of views” She says quietly, busy drawing in her sketchbook.

“I know, it's about time people realize their talent”

A knock on my window makes us jump as we turn to it and see Calum’s face pressed against it.

“Cal, what are you doing?” I question once he’s inside.

“ You won’t believe the news we just got” Becks and I share a confused look before returning our attention to the bouncing boy.

“Well? Spill dude” Calum gives her an unamused look, but continues to bounce.

“Okay so we’ve been getting a good number of views on our covers and earlier we got an email asking if we’d be interested in opening for this group-”

“What group?” Rebecca asks, curiosity getting the better of both of us.

“One Direction” Both our jaws drop at the name.

“That’s amazing Cal! I told you you boys would get famous one day!”

“We sign the contract tomorrow and start working out a setlist”

“When do you guys leave?” Calum nervously swallowed at the question.

“Three months” I feel my heart drop at how soon they’ll be leaving.

“Senior year starts in three months…”

“We know, but this is such a great opportunity and this is the boost we need to become famous”

“I’m so happy for you guys!”I exclaim overly eager, earning an odd look from Rebecca.

“We just knew you would be!” He flashes us his award winning smiling before slipping back out the window.

“Alright, spill. That was such a fake congratulations.”

“I’m- I’m happy for them”I fiddle with the brush I was holding.

“Bull. Shit. I’ve never seen more forced joy than right there.”

“What’s gonna happen when they leave for tour? We’re gonna stay behind while they go off and make a name for themselves.” 

“Aren’t you happy that they got this opportunity? This is what they want” I sit on the edge of my bed and she joins, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah but- I can’t help but think that it was supposed to us 6. Forever. No one and nothing can come between us”

“They’re still your boys. Now-” She stands, grabbing my hands on the way. “Let’s go get some ice cream and watch movies.. We can deal with this later” I laugh but follow her out to the kitchen.

[5 months later]

“Any response yet?” I simply shake my head at my mum’s question, returning to the book I was reading. “They’ll text back. Just got to be patient honey.”

“Yeah” I reopen IMessage and all texts to them since they left have all been left on read and I can’t figure out why. “I’m going to hang out with Rebecca for a bit” I say after reading her text, receiving a simple ‘mhm’ from my mum.

<

“And they haven’t even said a simple ‘hi’ or ‘ thanks’?” Rebecca questions, popping a crisp in her mouth.

“Nothing. Did- Did I do something? Should I have sent mail or-”

“Ed stop. You did nothing wrong, okay? They’re hormonal teenage boys, we should really expect this behavior.. But that by no means excuses their rudeness.” I go quiet, opting to play with my sandwich.

“They’re performing in Sydney in two weeks.. I was thinking of stopping by” I casually say, not looking up from the food.

“Alright.” I look up at her, shocked by her response. “I don’t agree with this idea but I’m not not gonna let you do this- definitely not alone.” She puts her hand over my own, offering a soft smile. “Now. About this Art assignment”

\night of concert\

“Okay, the plan is as follows: we go to the concert. Park where we see tour buses and wait. Find the boys and talk. Ending the night with pizza, candy and scary movies at my place.”

“Sounds like a well thought out plan.” I take one last look at myself, adjusting my top before turning to my brunette friend. “Ready?”

“Ready” We loop arms, skipping the whole way to her car.

..

“Damn, they are loud” Becks jokingly says from our position against the car, listening to our boys play.

“They sound good (feels good hehe :D)” I comment, pushing some of the gravel around with the toe of my combat boots.

We remain in a comfortable silence until the doors swing open and familiar voices fill the air. I look over at her, wide eyed.

“Now or never babe”

“What do I-”

“Hey boys!” She screams, making them all turn around, alarmed looks on their faces.

“Uh- Hi” Luke says, waving awkwardly in our direction.

“Enid here would like to talk to you boys. In private”She nudges me forward and I take timid steps to them.

“Let’s go in the bus” Ashton opens the door for everyone before closing it behind him.

“So-”

“Why’d you guys do it? Why did you just up and ignore me?” They nervously look at one another before Calum steps forward.

“We- uh got busy?”

“If you wanted to still be my friend you would’ve made an effort” I state, crossing my arms across my chest.

“We do it’s just that-” Luke begins but I cut him off, anger starting to run in my veins,

“What happened to ‘remain friends no matter what’”?

“You don’t understand, our life is so crazy now! We still consider you a friend, not best friend but, friends. Why are you still upset about this? It’s not like we completely abandoned you” Michael says from his position in a chair.

“ You couldn’t say ‘hey thanks!’ when I congratulated you?”

“Yeah bu-” Ashton tries but I cut him off.

“You could’ve tried.. But you ALL decided I wasn’t worth the effort!” I take a few slow breaths to try and keep calm “I tried to keep this friendship when you guys left but, not much I can do when you won’t even try”

“We still want a friendship. It’s just gonna be a little different now” Ashton says, taking timid steps towards me.

“No. If you wanted a friendship you would’ve kept up with it. None of you even reached out when my parents went through a horrible divorce. I really needed my best friends support but I got nothing.”

“We didn’t know your parents divorced Ed” Michael explains, all four of them clearly looking distressed.

“Stop. Stop right now. Our parents all still talk so you would’ve been told about it but sure, let’s play dumb. Also, that nickname is reserved for close friends and none of you are that.”

“ Alright,let’s all calm down and think about this rationally.” Ashton says, trying to mediate the best he can.

“I’ve already said everything that I wanted.Goodbye” I quickly leave the bus, practically diving into the passenger seat.

“How did it go?” At the sound of her voice I immediately break down in tear, sobs shaking my whole body. “Oh honey no shh” She brings me into her side, rocking us slowly. “They didn’t deserve your friendship. You’re too kind and you need someone who will love you for yourself and not make you cry like this.”

“I’ll never trust them again” 

- 

AND THAT’S PART 1 HOLY SHIT I’M SO EXCITED. please let me know your thoughts but be nice cause I’m a small bean :3

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo

im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)” 

like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT 

and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”

and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea 

and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them 

or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class” 

and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up 

and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!! 

and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!

i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[five-hour-anxiety]

depresssion vlog 😥😴👎💭🏳️ | The Theory Of Real Activity | thursday vlogs

Taglist: @zerogettie  @spacevirgil@tree4life25@thebiggestnaturaldisaster @pailettehazel@jordandobbertin@thecityofthefireflies @the-fabulous-kimball@azuranightsong@virmillion @erlenmeyertrash @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @the-sanders-sides @punch-you-with-friendship@captaincantatrice@clovenpinetree @jughead-is-canonically-aroace@aplaceinthevoid@that-random-fandom-girl @zennyo

Word Count: 4431

Warnings: depression and talks of anxiety

Pairings: platonic prinxiety, platonic logicality, platonic analogical

Summary: Virgil is in the middle of a spiral and the back to back bad days are making it hard to function. He texts a few friends for help, and this is the result.

Designated Nerd:  Virgil, it has been some time since I’ve heard from you. Are you feeling well?

Me:  i mean, am i ever fine

Designated Nerd:  Well that is indeed worrying. Is there anything I can do for you, or would you rather I contact our more… emotional friends? Do you need me to come visit?

Me:  no, i dont want anyone over right now. this is gonna sound so stupid but,,, could u tell me what u do when ur upset

Designated Nerd:  If it helps, of course. I tend to listen to stimulating music and take hot showers. Please try to brush your teeth sometime soon as well, as hygiene is something that we all tend to be lax with in these states.

Me:  i should have expected advice like that

Designated Nerd:  Is it not useful? I apologize.

Me:  o no, its good. thx lo

Designated Nerd:  Anytime Virgil. Do not hesitate to contact me if you need anything else.

 ***

Sir-Sing-A-Lot:  hey panic at the everywhere, u still breathing

Me:  wow didnt kno u cared that much

Sir-Sing-A-Lot:  of course i care u ass how u doing

Me:  i mean im not dead. thats a fucking victory dude can i get a hell yeah

Sir-Sing-A-Lot:  hell fucking yeah bro im proud of u

Me:  hey while ur here,,,, how do u deal with ur bad days.

Sir-Sing-A-Lot:  poorly

Me:  damn dude

Sir-Sing-A-Lot:  yeah well thats life but i also light candles and fucking moisturize. unlike u u heathen

Me: thanks u fucking prick

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: hate u too u asshole c u this weekend~

***

Pat-Dad:  hey kiddo!! haven’t heard a peep outta you lately, just wanna make sure you’re still okay!!

Me:  im not okay, actually. but im glad u texted bc i have a q for u

Pat-Dad: anything for you kiddo, tell me how i can help!! :)

Me: wat do u do on bad days. like, how do u deal with the shitty emotions

Pat-Dad:  language kiddo.

Me: hellcrab.png

Pat-Dad: i dont have the profanity manatee on me so just pretend i sent that. anyway! i like to watch a bunch of funny shows and sit around in my favorite clothes! gotta feel good somehow!! and like, a lot of pillows are involved.

Me:  is this permission to turn my living room into a pillow fort

Pat-Dad: absolutely!!! but make sure you eat something today kiddo,,, making food is gonna be better than takeout btw. Feels good to have made something, trick the brian into enjoying the food more.

Me:  brian

Pat-Dad:  *brain, oh hush up

Me:  thanks 4 the help. <3 u

Pat-Dad: anytime kiddo!!!! :) <3 love you more!!!!!

***

   “Welcome back to the Theory of Real Activity -- today’s vlog: not what you all signed up for.” Virgil sighed, running a hand through his hair. “As I’m sure a lot of you have noticed, or at least the twitter crew has, I haven’t been as active on the channel lately. And I’m sorry about that, but I think I’m ready to talk about why now.

   “As many of you know, I have depression and anxiety. No way around it, there’s the truth. Often, these diseases prevent me from functioning like a healthy person would. That’s what’s been happening to me for the last few months. I’ve had a hard time getting up and dragging myself anywhere, much less making new content for all of you. Talking to friends via text is really hard too, so Twitter is something I can’t deal with either.

   “And I know a lot of you out there are the same way -- heck, when I do use Twitter and the likes, I see messages like that all the time. And I’m happy I’m able to help you all through those days when I can. But I can’t always be around to make stuff like that, so today I’m gonna talk you guys through helping yourselves when the days get bad and the voices get loud, okay?

   “But don’t let the start of this video fool you -- this isn’t a ‘oh we’re all gonna be okay if we just believe!’ kinda thing. Because there’s a lot of those. Don’t get me wrong, those are all wonderful messages and I really appreciate them, but I don’t think we need another one right now. What’s the point in trying to be motivated when the energy just isn’t there? I don’t know about any of you, but I almost feel worse when I watch those because I know whoever is on the other side of the screen wants me to work for happiness and I just… can’t. I can’t do it when I’m that low. So, no, this is not one of those videos.

“This is something completely different, I really hope it clicks with a few of you.”

   The camera switches out of selfie mode to reveal a table full of shopping bags. Virgil laughs off-screen and there’s the sound of papers shuffling.

   “Ladies, Gents, and everyone beyond the binary welcome to ‘How to Kinda Cope with Shit Brains’, starring yours truly. Let’s begin, shall we?”

***

   “Logan, you didn’t tell me you were uploading a video today! What’s this one about?” Patton squealed, clicking on the notification. Logan peered over his shoulder, trying to make out the display behind layers of smudges and a few cracks.

   “I- I did not upload a video today as Thursdays are typically reserved for anything Virgil wishes to post. That’s why there have not been any midweek videos recently.” Logan pulled out his own phone, giving up on Patton’s, and quickly unlocked the screen. “There is no one else with access to the account, so who- oh never mind. That is clearly something of Virgil’s creation.”

   “My goodness, he sure loves emojis, huh?” Patton giggled, reaching into his pockets. Logan groaned something like ‘you have no idea’ and pulled out a screen cloth for Patton. The younger man took it and quickly cleaned off his screen before pulling out his earbuds

“Do you wanna watch it together?” He asked, dangling them in front of Logan. Logan stared at him, grimacing.

   “Do you know how unsanitary sharing earphones is, Patton? I have a split connector in my bag, allow me to retrieve it and we shall view it together.”

***

   “So, I have compiled a list of things my friends do when they’re having bad days, as well as a few activities of my own, and we’re gonna test them. I’ll take note of how I feel before I start, do the activities, and then I’ll rate them by how I feel afterward. And if that sounds complicated, it is! Kinda. Logan says it’s the proper way to test things, by having a starting point and an end point, so go ask him? I don’t know, he’s always talking about control groups and I don’t know about any of you but I don’t want to make myself have bad days back to back just so I can test a bunch of things ‘fairly’.

“Anyway, first up: Roman’s list. He- he actually didn’t have much to say, just “moisturize bitch’ so I just pulled ideas from what he normally does on off-days. Sorry, Ro, but you brought this upon yourself.”

   Virgil reaches into the bag marked “Bed, Bath, and Beyond” and fishes out a bottle of something pink, as well as a purple container of lotion and a green candle.

   “I know for a fact Roman prefers grapefruit face wash, so that’s what we got here,” he shakes the pink bottle, “so we can gift this to him when we’re done here. And we have a bottle of lavender-scented lotion to go with it. I read somewhere that lavender helps with anxiety or something, but like,” he points at the camera, “it just smells good, and I am not ashamed to admit to that. Don’t read too much into this.

   “I also bought a scented candle, because that’s the only other thing Roman offered advice-wise. I fact-checked this one, and apparently good scents are supposed to help you think more clearly? Or something. I don’t know, I read the article at four in the morning, there’s not much I can really remember about it. Four am Virgil is really bad at retaining information.”

   The camera jostles as Virgil picks it up and walks into his bathroom. “Uh, just for like, the starting point? The best way to describe this type of anxiety is the buzzing and tensing of your muscles and the tightness in your chest. There’s nothing I want more than to dive under my bed sheets and sleep until tomorrow and try again later.

   “But I’m going to do this, so wish me luck.” He mutters, turning the tap on and grabbing a washcloth. The screen cuts away to black as an upbeat nineties song plays, and the text on the screen reads ‘Roman’s results’.

   “So,” Virgil starts, his face covered in white foam, “this stuff kinda burns? Roman, what the hell is wrong with you, you like this stuff? Ugh. Also, just so everyone knows, the smell of artificial grapefruit and lavender do not mix. Like separate, they are really good smells but just… don’t mix them together. It’s a really bad idea. We may have to do my list next so I can let the house air out for a while. As it is, I didn’t even try to light the candle, we do not need to add spearmint to this stink bomb.

   “Beyond that? The face wash is definitely waking me up. I feel a little more ‘oh hey, I’m a person’ that I did before so, yeah. This wasn’t a total bust. And my skin is soft! I understand the appeal of moisturizing now! Roman, how dare you keep this a secret from me?” Virgil laughs, rubbing his hands together. “Holy shit I feel like a million bucks. I am keeping the lotion, you can take this demon face scrub.” Virgil reaches off screen and picks up the pink bottle, scanning the back panel of text.

   “So overall, I’d say Roman’s tactics work. You just gotta like, make sure you get complimentary smells so you don’t stink yourself out of your house,” He says, still reading the bottle, “And you should definitely read the instructions on the bottles because this,” He holds up the pink bottle, “says to wash off after a few minutes, and it’s been ten. I’m gonna go get this off my face now.”

***

   “Babe, you seriously didn’t read the instructions?” Roman howled, throwing his head back into the couch. He could hear Virgil scoff from the kitchen.

   “Excuse me, but I thought it was like one of those face masks you leave on for half an hour! How was I supposed to know!” He asked, walking back into the room and plopping down beside Roman. “They look the same when you put them on, and you have a few long-lasting ones that smell like grapefruit! I had no way of knowing!”

   “You could’ve called, man. I would have helped you!” Roman lifted his arm, inviting Virgil to crawl under it. He took it and wrapped his arms around the taller man’s chest. “You bought face scrub, which is definitely not the same thing. Both are good though! Just, not that same.”

   “Yeah, well, I know that now,” Virgil muttered, burying his head in Roman’s hoodie.

   “We can do actual face masks after this if you want.” Roman offered, picking his phone back up. “Your pores could really benefit from one.”

   “You’re a dick. Turn that thing off.”

   “Love you too, bastard, but there’s no way in hell I’m turning this off.”

***

   The camera cuts again, and this time Virgil is in his bedroom. The window is open, and the sound of passing cars is almost inaudible but still present. His peach walls are bathed in a warm glow of the setting sun, a light breeze pushing his bangs up every so often.

   “Okay so, next up is Patton’s list. As per my own ‘rules’, I’m feeling mentally exhausted and ready to check the fuck out right now. But despite this, I’m actually… really excited for this one? It involves food, there’s no way this can go poorly.”

   The video cuts to footage of Virgil screaming as food on the stove erupts into flame. The 1812 Overture is playing the background. Whatever was in the pan is no longer food, as the burnt sustenance is bubbling in an ominous manner. The oven mitt is no longer on Virgil’s hand and is instead in a smoky heap on the kitchen counter.

   “No way this can go poorly” Virgil’s voice echoes as he runs off camera screaming. He returns with a fire extinguisher, the lens becoming jammed with foam just before the video cuts back to Virgil in his room eating Chinese takeout.

   “Okay so. It turns out it can go poorly. Patton said that making sure you eat, like, actual food and not six servings of chocolate cake with a glass of cherry coke on the side is supposed to help with the depression thing but like. It definitely didn’t help with the anxiety. Something about the food you worked to make tasting better?

   “So, I cheated and ordered take out. But hey! This stuff has got a bunch of veggies in it, so I think I won this round. Moving on,” Virgil puts the food down and leans down to grab something off the floor, “Patton also recommended watching some shows that I know I enjoy, so let’s do that next.” Virgil puts on the purple headphones he had grabbed and pulled his laptop onto his lap. He clicks off the light on his desk and plunges the room into darkness with only his computer light illuminating his face.

   “We’re watching the entirety of the Brooklyn Nine-Nine Halloween episodes, so be prepared for a highlight reel of that while I stuff my face with rice.” He twirls his finger around in a ‘roll film’ motion and kicks his feet up on the desk.

   The camera cuts to a black screen once more, the same upbeat music playing in the background. The text now read’s “Patton’s results”.

   The next few minutes is a series of clips strung together, many of them consisting of Virgil mouthing the lines along with the characters, and screeching with laughter. The last one shows him crying into his takeout, mumbling about how much he loves the relationship between Jake and Amy. He had taken his feet down from the desk at some point, now curled into his chair and bundled in his hoodie almost entirely.

   The video cuts away to a slightly more composed Virgil, who is now cuddling a pillow and scraping the bottom of the takeout box. His eye makeup had run down his face over the last few hours and he looked unnaturally pale in the weird lighting.

   “Yeah that uh,” He coughs awkwardly, “that worked. Ten out of three Patton, way to go. Got my brain to shut up for like, I don’t know, two hours?” He takes a deep breath and puts the takeout container on the desk. “It’s late, I think I’m gonna just do Logan’s and I’s lists tomorrow.”

***

   “Should I be concerned that he set the kitchen on fire and didn’t call anyone?” Patton whispered, pausing the video. “Why didn’t he call anyone? Did he get burned?”

   “I do not think you speeding to his house would have done any good, Patton, as he got the fire out by himself. That being said,” Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, “he is not allowed to cook for game night. Ever. What was he even trying to make?”

   “He can join me in the kitchen ban, then. The store-bought cookie club just gained a new member.”

   “God help us if you ever cook together. I’d have to take out a loan for a new apartment. I already cannot pay my student loans, I fear the possibility of adding to my life debt.” Logan shuddered, reaching over to unpause the video.

***

   “Okay, good morning internet. It’s buttcrack early outside, I don’t even think the sun is up yet? That’s good, actually, and I’ll get to why later.

“So, all that’s left is Logan and I’s lists, and to be honest? Logan may have already won the whole thing, looking at this on paper. He actually cares about like, not dying by germs or some shit.,I can guarantee his list will be practical. I gotta go set some stuff up for my list, so hang tight.” The screen cuts to a slightly more awake Virgil.

   He grins and gives a tiny wave before tapping the screen to switch the camera and show a hammock.

   “So, I’m next. I’m also gonna save Logan’s advice for the end of the video so you guys watch this whole thing. Give people an incentive for sticking around. Because I can see the stats on this, I know half of you like, exit the video halfway through. Stay for the whole thing, dammit, I need the ad money.” He laughs, gently putting the camera down. The screen shows a new sunrise, one full of soft purples and oranges. Above the sun and its halo are a few stars that have yet to go out for the day, barely visible behind the hazy clouds. Virgil picks the camera back up, the footage shaky.

   The camera stills to a shot of Virgil’s legs, the hammock swaying gently in the breeze. A few frogs can be heard singing in the background and Virgil hums a few notes. His voice is low as he speaks, still rough from sleep.

   “Again, to follow my own rules: I feel so awful I don’t even want to talk about it, guys. Sorry.” Virgil is quiet for a while longer, the occasional whispered lyric picked up by the microphone. Eventually, he speaks once more, a lighter tone to his voice.

   “Sure, this looks peaceful, but if you could all hear what kind of music I’m listening to right now, you’d be calling my therapist. Hey, Paul, I apologize my bro, but wow are you not gonna like me the next time I’m in.

   “So yeah, my list is just ‘get sun and get songs’. You Gucci fam, just stay out here until you either feel good or get cold. Probably gonna be the last one but, hey, you tried. Gold star. Bring a blanket if you wanna aim for the best possible outcome.”

   The camera cuts again, this time looking down from what is assumed to be a porch. The sky is dark once more, and the only source of light is a small candle.

   “Huh. What do you know, the candle works after all. Spearmint -- the poor man’s anti-anxiety. You know, I actually looked that up. Spearmint is supposed to be a good stress reliever and some kind of mood booster. The more you know, huh?”

***

   “Virgil, what the hell does that mean?” Roman chuckled, rubbing Virgil’s arm.

   “It means that when I’m panicking at work I just pop in a breath mint and BAM I am suddenly closer to reality than I was ten seconds ago.”

   “Do I wanna know how you discovered that?”

   “I had a hangry panic attack in high school and the only thing I had to eat in my bag were breath mints I was meaning to gift to you.”

   “Oh, that’s pretty- hey.”

   “You could still use some, man. Keep your nasty breath away from me.”

   Roman just hummed, looking at Virgil from the corner of his eyes. He smiled softly, his eyes sad and concerned. Pulling him closer, he unpaused the video and listened as he continued to hold his friend.

***

   “And last but certainly not least, is the list of the late, great Logan. He’s not dead. He’s just always late to dinner dates. Like a pretentious nerd, his excuses are ‘oh, I was studying’, ‘oh, I had an exam’, or ‘Patton set the kitchen on fire again, call 911’. What an ass.

   “Anyway. This list, which doesn’t have a cool name because Logan is against emojis and stuff, just has like, five items on it. In order that is: brush your teeth, put on some clean clothes, wash your hair, put on some socks, and the last one is a surprise. Because it really took me off guard and I need you all to be as surprised as I was.

   “And right now, I just feel apathetic. In case someone gets upset that I didn’t mention I felt going into this, I just feel apathetic.”

   The video cuts away to Virgil’s bathroom once more, and the leftover mess from the other day can be seen in the sink.

“Uh. Just, just ignore that mess. You know what it’s from, I don’t feel bad about that. Anyway, teeth brushing. Let me just find the toothpaste…

“You know, I can’t remember if I bought toothpaste at the store. Of all the crap I bought, don’t think toothpaste made it into the bin. So, let’s just see if I still have any of the travel samples from the dentist.”

Virgil riffles through his cabinets, pulling out items such as combs, hair dye, bleach, and a bottle of pills. He hums for a second, before crouching down to look under the sink.

   “I feel like, and I could be the only one who experiences this, I feel like anything that gets put under the sink will never see the light of day. So maybe I won’t be brushing my teeth today- wait. Wait! Oh gosh, thank you Jesus- there’s a- there is a bottle in the back there, but I can’t reach it. Outta my way, makeup kit, I got teeth to be cleaned!”

   Virgil pops back into view, holding up a half used mini bottle of toothpaste. It’s the kid’s kind, that tastes like berries and bubblegum. He uncaps it and starts to squeeze it out onto his toothbrush buts stops short.

   “Why the hell are there sparkles in this thing? That- isn’t that a, like, choking hazard or some shit? Okay, sorry Logan, teeth brushing is not happening in this video. I think you’d agree with me on this. When you get to this point in the video, feel free to add toothpaste to our shopping list.”

***

   “Jokes on you, Virgil, I added it yesterday when I spent the night and had to use that monstrosity.”

   “I use that stuff all the time, Logan, there’s nothing wrong with it! Look at me, I’m perfectly fine!”

   “That’s… that’s a, uh, great point Patton. Explains a lot.”

***

   “Okay, so next on the list was clean clothes. I’m doing that off camera, you nasties, so hang tight for a word from our sponsors.”

   The screen is black, with white text reading “crofters plz sponsor us logan is desperate.”

   Virgil reappears, in the same hoodie and shirt. He smirks, pointing at a pile of clothes on the floor.

   “Ha, I own two of these hoodies and three of these shirts. I am a cartoon character, y’all will never see me in a different outfit. You can dream, but my job is to crush those dreams.” He makes a fist as he says this, laughing through his teeth as he tries to appear tough.

   The camera cuts again, this time showing Virgil singing into a hairbrush while a towel is wrapped around his head. The scene doesn’t last long, as we are once again taken back to Virgil’s bedroom where he is set up with a laptop. This time he’s on his bed and the curtains are drawn.

   “It said to wash your hair, and you can’t wash hair without serenading the monsters living behind the shower curtains we all feared when we were little. Just because we aren’t afraid of them doesn’t mean they aren’t real!

   “Anyway, this is the last part of Logan’s list. It’s actually really sweet? Like, I am a grown ass man, and I am not ashamed to say I sobbed over this.” He continues, voice starting to tremor.

   Virgil spins his laptop around to show a YouTube video that’s about half an hour long. The title reads, ‘the best of Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street’. Virgil sniffs real fast, raking a fist over his eyes.

   “He uh, he knew these guys were my heroes growing up. And he knew it would cheer me up. Guess w-hat man,” Virgil sniffs again, “It- it worked like a fu-fucking charm. I uh, I’m actually feeling things after going through your list, so like. Nice work, I guess, I owe you dinner. Like, dinner at a restaurant, not a cooking dinner because I don’t want to poison you.

   “Ahem. Anyway. That’s the best thing in this whole video, you win Logan. And that about wraps up the Thursday vlog. Thanks for listening everyone, here’s the obligatory ‘we’re gonna be okay’ message, because as corny as that is -- it’s true. Find yourself a Bert to go with your Ernie and it’ll be okay. Maybe throw in an Elmo or a Zoey if you wanna round out the group. And my metaphor is getting too complicated, so! Virgil out! See you this weekend for the next Theory of Real Activity -- Logan and I are joined by Patton this time and we get into wild shit this week, let me tell you.”

***

   “Well, what are we still waiting around here for?” Patton asked, turning his phone off. He disconnected the earbuds, stuffing his haphazardly into his front pocket. Logan winced at the sight, and quickly but carefully wound his up into their case.

   “I’ll text Virgil to make sure he knows to expect us. Patton, if you could text Roman?” Logan asks, standing up and smoothing out his shirt. Patton nods, already poking away at his phone.

Me: Greetings, Virgil. Patton and I are on our way over to your house if that is okay?

Virgil Jackson: cant tell you no, you practically live here

Me: Yes, well, that is true. Is there anything I should bring with us?

Virgil Jackson: would it be lame to say a hug

Me: Not at all. If there is anything this group is good for, it’s hugging and crying. The occasional yelling, but that could go either way.

Virgil Jackson: whatever nerd, get over here already

[awashsquid]

tracer, "S/he died 7 years ago"

This is...probably not the expected direction for this prompt, but oh well!  Around 1800 words.  I have one more Ask that I’m working on, but I’m open if others want to send more of these prompts!

Tracer’s dress shoes always squeaked a little, so she usually tookto whistling to distract herself from the jarring sound every time she put downa foot.  She walked down the hallwaydoing just this, the whistling bouncing off of the walls to create an overlappingecho of notes and song, discordantly chaotic enough that she was forced tostop, her shoes squeaking louder for the newfound quietness.  She tugged a little on the hem of her jumper asshe walked, uncomfortable alone in the hushed hall.  The jumper, a slightly scratchy striped woolnumber, was one her Dad had gotten her last year for her birthday, and evenwith the bulky accelerator (now a permanent addition to her wardrobe, much toher chagrin), she thought he’d be happy to see her wearing it.

It was his birthday today, and she thought she’d nip round hishouse and take him for a decent dinner—her treat, of course—since she knew he’dmostly just eaten takeout since Mum had died eight years ago.  She had tried to call and make sure he wasfree on the off chance that he had planned a night out with friends or even adate, but all she heard on the other end of the line was “this number is nolonger in service.”  Something about theautomated tone had sent a shiver up her spine, and she had hung up with adistinct sense of unease.  It waspossible he had gotten a new number and forgotten to tell her, perhaps, andthis unconvincing rationale kept repeating in her mind, in time with her shoessqueaking, as she approached the exit to the base.

Squeak—everything’s fine—squeak—he just forgot—squeak—getting older, more senile—squeak—

“Tracer!” Winston greeted, and she snapped out of her rhythmicworrying with a small jump, realizing that she hadn’t heard her friend approach.  (And considering that her friend was a gorillaweighing several hundred pounds, it was alarming how she had managed to ignorethe sounds of his approach.)  “You’re alldressed up!  Where are you off to?”

“just headed to me Dad’s flat, gonna take ‘im out for ‘is birthday.”  Her voice was chipper as she rocked on herheels, but the anxiety behind it wouldn’t be lost on Winston.  He knew her too well to be fooled by her bestattempts at pretending that all was well.

Winston’s face twitched in displeasure, and suddenly she was awareof just how empty the hallway was, the silence of the base when nothing couldbe heard except for the slight hum of the electronics.  “Did you clear this with Angela?”

She shuffled guiltily from foot to foot, scratching the side of herhead.  “Not exactly…”  Winston looked down the bridge of his glassesin that way he always did when he disapproved of something.  “I mean, she told me I could go out for a bit‘ere and there, and I’ve not been to a proper pub since—” she cut herself off,not sure what to call it: “the accident” sounded too trivial, but “being suckedthrough time in a torturous vortex” was too long and dramatic.  She settled instead for tapping the edge ofher accelerator lightly.  “Well, you know.”

Winston’s gaze softened.  “I won’tstop you.”  Tracer began to thank him,but he continued talking.  “However,” he added, and she groanedaudibly, “I insist on taking you to Angela first.  To make sure that everything is clearedmedically for you to go out.  We don’t wantany malfunctions.”  

Lena shuddered a little as the image of her sitting with her Dadonly to suddenly disappear, screaming, into the nothingness of time itself,maybe never to return.  “All right, Win,”she agreed.  Her voice sounded small inthe cavernous space, and she raised it in false cheer to overcompensate for herunease.  “Let’s off, then!  Don’t want ‘im to be waiting, ‘e can’t stayup too late.”

They reached the medical bay in short time, the large white spaceunnerving after spending so much time here, the scent of antiseptic and latex souringin her nose, making her imagine that decay and death were intermingled in theodor.  The bay was empty save twosleeping patients, so Angela noticed them immediately and walked over to greetthem, her small heels clicking on the tile floor, tapping out a rhythm like thesecond hand of a clock.  “Good afternoon!  What can I do for you two?”

“Tracer needs checked up. She’s planning on going to see her Dadtonight,” Winston intoned, putting an emphasis on the word that made Lena feeluncomfortable in a way she couldn’t quite place.

Angela’s face turned from polite to solemn faster than Lena couldblink (in either sense of the word).  “Oh.  Oh, I see. Yes, I had worried this could be possible.  Lena, I will need you to come with me,please.  Winston, if you would get thefiles we need.”  She put a white-clad armaround a confused and indignant Tracer and steered her towards one of theprivate rooms to the side of the general bay. Winston nodded and headed to the left towards the medical recorddatabase.

“Are you going to tell me just what the bloody ‘ell you think you’redoing?”  Her shouts were probably loud enoughto wake other patients, but she didn’t care. Something was wrong, something was horribly, horribly wrong, and shecouldn’t figure out what.

“I will explain soon, Lena. I think it is best to wait for Winston to rejoin us.”  Angela reached to lift her jumper and takevitals, but Lena twisted away, pinning herself against the wall, the doctorbetween her and the door.

“If you don’t tell me what’s going on right now, I am going to blink out of ‘ere, and you won’t be ableto catch me.”

Angela sighed heavily.  “Verywell.  But I think it best if you aresitting down.”

Lena grumpily crossed her arms (with a bit of difficulty, as shehadn’t gotten used to the extra bulk on her chest just yet) and plopped downonto the chair next to the bed; she was too stubborn to sit on the patient’sspot when she didn’t need examined.

“Lena,” Angela began, smoothing down her white coat, erasingwrinkles that were never there, “how much do you recall from when you werechronally disassociated?”

She flinched involuntarily, a shudder tick-tocking its way up thevertebrae of her spine.  “A good bit.”  She remembered the feeling of beingeverywhere and nowhere at once, the noiseless screams that came from a mouththat didn’t feel like hers (maybe wasn’thers, maybe never had been), flashes of events that she was never meant to see,driving her further and further from reality until she had nearly lost sight ofher own timeline.

Angela nodded, urging her to continue.  “Did you see anyone you know during thattime?”

Her mother, washingdishes, pregnant with her, humming tunelessly as she worked.  Winston, a baby gorilla, playing with blocksjust as a human child would.  Hergrandpa, who died before she was born, laughing as he flew a paper plane withher father.  She shook her head to clearthe memories.  “Yes.  Sometimes, anyway.  Nothing was in the right order, so it couldbe ‘ard to tell.”  She raised her eyesdefiantly.  “Why are you asking me thisright now?”

“Because, Lena,” Winston answered as he entered the small room, hisform taking up most of the empty space, “your father died seven years ago.”  He kicked the door shut with his back foot, gentlyenough that it did not slam, but she still heard a loud thud—was that the door, or was that her own heart beating?  Suddenly, she couldn’t quite breathe, hergasps making the accelerator rise and fall, her palms sweating against hertrousers.

“That’s not funny, Win,” she choked out, knowing that her bestfriend would never joke about something like this, but unable to accept what hewas saying.  Angela looked down on herpitifully as her eyes darted back and forth between her captors and the exit;perhaps she could take them by surprise and escape—

Winston sighed deeply, taking off his glasses and rubbing histemples.  “I have proof.”  He inserted a small drive into the room’scomputer and immediately articles began to pop up on the screen.  Each new title made her heart beat a littlefaster, her need to run away increasing. Noted pilot Charles Oxtondied.  Father of Overwatch agent passedaway.  Flashes from her own file,notes from the agency-appointed therapist she had seen—“Patient is in denial.”  “Patient is improving.”  “Patient requests leave to visit gravesite;leave granted with conditions.”

“That’s not possible,” Lena whispered.  The room was too small, the air positivelyreeked of rubbing alcohol, their eyes were watching her closely, and underneathit all, the incessant beating of her heart marched forward, ticking inside herchest like the hand of her father’s watch, fastened to her right wrist—

“Your experience away from the present time most likely disorientedyou, Lena,” Angela intoned in a voice that was meant to be soothing but justmade Tracer want to punch the compassion right out of her placid, agelessface.  “I had suspected that you mayexperience some disassociations from reality. I am sorry that this is one of them.”

“This is rubbish!”  She stoodup abruptly, the chair hitting the wall behind her.  There were tears streaming down her face,dotting her jumper with wet patches.  “I’mgoing to go get ‘im and show the lot of you.”

“Lena, we can’t let you do that.” Winston shifted so that his mass was in front of the door, blocking heronly exit.  “You sold his apartment aftercleaning it out.  There’s no one toretrieve.”

“Win, if you don’t move, I’ll bloody blink right through you, don’tthink I won’t—”

“You can’t blink in the hospital wing,” Angela near-whispered.  Tracer turned on her then, eyes red andfurious.  “It was a safety precaution,”she hastily tried to explain, “in case you tried to blink while injured andagitated your condition.”

“I think I’m bloody well agitated enough, thanks,” she snappedback.  “Win, move out of me way.”

“No.”

“Win, I need to go see my Da, it’s ‘is birthday, now move!”

“No.”

“ ‘e’s not dead, you bloody great gorilla—”

“He is, Lena, I’m so—”

“Then why can’t I remember?”  The question came out as a pained howl.  She smacked the wall with the palm of herhand before slinking to her knees.  “I- Ican’t remember ‘ow ‘e died, or- or when, or wha’ flowers—”  She rose her gaze to meet her friend’s,helpless as a child.  “I can’t rememberit, Win, why can’t I remember burying meown Da?”

“I’m so sorry, Lena,” he whispered, tears in his own eyes.  “I’m so sorry.”  He gathered her into his arms and let her sobinto his fur, her tiny hands clutching onto him tightly.